From the book "Russell"
by Gwen Byrne-
Russell is speaking through medium Deborah Moore
Hello Mum. It's
me. It's Russell. (Laughter here). I'm here with the story
I have long wished to tell my mother. It has been a long
time coming because I had to tell it through the right person.
Debs is that person. It isn't a harrowing story, Mum. It's
a story of TRIUMPH. It is the story of when I went through
the 'Death Experience'. But while it is for my mother to
know, it is also a 'story' for the other mothers who have
lost children - children who have passed through accidents,
illnesses, even catapulted into spirit - whatever their
passing. For all that happened to me is similar to that
which happens to all children who go through the 'Death
It is not horrific.
It is not negative. It is not nasty. It is magical, mysterious
and wondrous. It is the Truth, Debs, and that is worth knowing.
Mum, this is
the tape that has been promised to you. I'm sorry it has
been so long in coming but I hope it will help and will
have been worth the wait.
from the very beginning that I didn't have long upon the
Earth plane. As a child I had the knowledge that
I would not be with you and Dad upon the Earth very long.
You ask how I knew. Well, I don't really know how I knew
- it was just knowledge deep inside me. I knew it as surely
as I saw the sun in the sky and the moon at night, surrounded
by the stars. I just knew it.
I now know that you also knew it Mum. From the very beginning
you knew I didn't have long. John, Deborah's guide,
has explained to an extent why you knew - how you knew.
That knowledge is still very hard to bear, but you did bear
it. The strain of that knowledge alone was extremely hard
for you. You see you had to live your daily life with us
as boys and you also had this awful knowledge.
Because it was awful then, because you understood none of
the divine laws of life to put the knowledge into context.
And even if you had, would you have been able to accept
it? I think not. Or it would have been very hard.
I know that during the years that you raised us - my brothers
and me - upon the Earth plane, you must have felt a bit
like a 'single parent', for Dad was away a great deal. If
he wasn't away, he was preoccupied with his business. He
gave great thought and strength and understanding to his
work, and he had to an extent to provide for us, but at
the same time perhaps he sought refuge in the world he understood
whereas at times he was bewildered in the world of our lives.
For I think he felt sometimes a little out of his depth
perhaps, in the demands of the life that children place
that you had a very long, lonely time of bringing us up,
the three of us, three boys I mean. I think anyone
can understand how difficult that can be for one lovely
lady. But you did it, Mum. Not only did you do it, you did
it very well. But I know now - I didn't know then - because
as children, we don't - but as adults we realize that our
mothers are not just our mums, they are people too in their
own right. I know now that you made great sacrifices for
us in your life. You didn't do a lot of things that you
perhaps could have done, or wanted to do, because we came
first - we were the commitment - your children, your husband,
your home, and I know that probably there is still within
you that question mark as to what it would have been like
if you had followed your singing career then.
Well truly, Mum, I say to you that the singing you
have yet to do will be greater than any you could ever have
done before because it will come from a much deeper level.
The lyric of the song will be expressed through the great
traumas that you yourself have been through. And it will
reach out to touch the souls of an those who have been through
similar traumas and those who haven't even been through
any traumas will be moved by that music and your song. It
is very hard for us to imagine it is so, but truly I say,
Mum, it is. And in the years which are to come you'll understand.
It will be easier to understand.
of my passing are quite vivid to me. The last days
of my passing, the last days of my life on the Earth. My
illness came upon us suddenly as if we were unprepared,
and yet basically, I had always been prepared. Towards the
end of my illness, it was the tiredness which defeated me
most. The awful, unbearable tiredness, and that you know
is what I remember most about my last days upon the Earth.
The endless tiredness, and the grief and helplessness of
you and my father, but most of all you. The bewilderment
and the trauma that happened to my brothers. I can remember
looking at you all and wanting to tell you it was all right.
I knew, I understood it was going to be all right. But my
tiredness overcame me so many times. It's hard, but that's
the way it was.
During my last days upon the Earth I saw the lights
of spirit you know. I saw them many times upon
the walls. I saw figures, beautiful figures. I saw figures
clothed in white and great shining light that told me my
time was not long, but not to be worried because they would
be with me. There would be no terror, no horror, nothing
nasty and no darkness. It would be all right - they would
be there. I know that it has always hurt you that you were
not there beside me when I left my Earth life. Please Mum,
I wish you would now stop blaming yourself for that. For
you do blame yourself. Please don't.
There is no need. I never died alone you know. None
of us dies alone. We have the people in spirit,
from spirit, come to take us across the divide between two
worlds, and this, and how you cross it, is very much what
I would like to talk to you about now.
remember the light of the Earth growing dim to my eyes.
I can remember this awful, awful tiredness. It was the tiredness
which I suppose really got me in the end. The endless tiredness.
You know before I was always very lively, very very lively,
I was climbing trees and always falling out of them and
you used to get quite alarmed about it. I was always very
inquisitive and into everything. The reason Mum was because
I didn't have long. I had a lot to find out. That's the
reason. But towards the end the tiredness became so great
that I could hardly move one foot in front of the other.
Well you know that, and towards the very end I couldn't
walk, I could hardly move. Sometimes the treatment - in
many ways the effects of it - was sometimes worse than the
illness, and I know that you blamed yourself for that as
well. You wondered whether it was right to subject me to
the treatment when you knew, deep down inside, that there
was no cure for that which I had. That I was going to die.
Well Mum, all I can say is that you did what you
had to do. You did what you felt was right
and it was very right that you should have done it. So please
don't blame yourself for that, there is no need. You take
guilt upon your shoulders when there is no need for guilt.
You did what any mother upon the Earth plane would
have done. You did what you could to prevent what you knew
as inevitable. But any Earth mother would have done it -
it is a fact. Ask Debs if you don't believe me. She's a
mother. If she'd had a choice of trying to save Catherine,
she would have tried anything to have done it. She would
have even traded her own life for Catherine's, but she wasn't
given that choice. I know that you would have traded your
own life for mine if you had thought it would have made
a difference. But of course it wouldn't have done because
it was not your time to go, it was mine.
body withered in front of your eyes, my soul became stronger
and made ready for the journey that it was to go on.
You know, there is one person who stands out in my mind
because it is one person who took me between the two worlds
of Earth and Spirit, and at the very end of my life upon
Earth I awoke and there was darkness all around me.
But there in front of me stood the most beautiful,
beautiful lady and she was very beautiful, Mum. She was
dressed in a long blue robe and upon her head she had a
long white ... not a cloak but like a sheet. Very
much like the robes the Jewish ladies used to wear about
two thousand years ago. Her name was Maria and when she
spoke, she spoke in such a lovely voice Mum, it was as if
in her voice I could hear the sound of waterfalls and tinkling
bells. Truly, that was her voice. It was so magical and
so lovely and around her there shone a great light and she
had a most beautiful smile upon her face and she came forward
to me and she said, 'Come on Russell'' and she held her
arms out to me - her arms outstretched - and said, 'Come
Russell, come with me. It is time for you to go. It is time
for you to come with me, to leave this Earth and come back
to your true home.' I asked about you and about Dad and
I said, 'I would like to say goodbye to Mum or Dad,' and
she said, 'That is not necessary, not now.
For you will not lose them and they will not lose
you, and we will bring you back many times to see them so
you will not have lost them.' And she said, 'Come,
Russell, come. Come now.' I said, 'But I cannot move. I
am so tired.' She said 'Move, move Russell, try to move,'
and of course I tried to sit up and Mum, I could sit up!
I could! I could sit up, I could swing my legs off the side
of the bed and could wriggle down on to the floor and I
could walk towards this beautiful, beautiful lady.
round and I looked behind me and there was ME. I was lying
on that bed and yet I was standing here just the same as
I was on the bed - like a mirror reflection really
- beside this beautiful, beautiful lady, and I looked at
me that was and I looked at the beautiful lady and I looked
at me that is now and I just didn't understand. She smiled
because she could read my thoughts you see, we didn't need
language any more for in spirit, as you think it so the
person you think the thought to, hears it - picks it up
- like a kind of telepathy on the Earth. That's the way
we communicate. We have no need of language. So we think
- so we know against mind to mind. I looked at her and she
knew and understood my perplexity. She smiled and laughed
and she gathered me up into her arms. I felt so happy -
so free - because I wasn't tired any more. There wasn't
any pain. There was none of that awful, awful tiredness.
I was as light and free as the wind and it was wonderful.
said to me as she held me in her arms, 'Now Russell, we're
going on a journey.' I said, 'But I'm very big.
Are you sure that you can carry me on the journey?' 'Oh
yes,' she said. 'I can carry you.' You see, I was quite
big, wasn't I Mum, for my age and she was only a ... she
was a lady, but not a particularly tall lady. In fact there
seemed to be something very gossamer about her to me' and
yet that lady picked me up in her arms as if I were a feather.
Of course I know now that I was, because the power of her
love picked me up.
The power of her love held me close to her in her
arms and Mum, we went on the most extraordinary journey
I have ever known. Or had ever known up till then.
For you see, this beautiful lady walked through the wall
- through the wall and through all the solid objects and
I went all through the solid objects with her. We walked
through the walls - we just walked! Slowly, as we walked,
I noticed that she was making me laugh and she was making
me feel happy and free and full of life. More full of life
and happier than I'd ever been for years upon the Earth
because I was free of the great burden of this knowledge
that I was not long to stay.
Do you know, she lifted me up and we walked and
at first we seemed to walk upon the Earth, but as we walked
I noticed that we were leaving the Earth. We were
literally leaving the surface of the Earth, so she was walking
on air and we were just walking! She was walking through
space! She told me ... and I said, 'Where - where are we
going? How can you walk through the air? I couldn't walk
through the air!' I was, of course - at nine and three-quarters
- very impressed with anyone who could walk in the air -
you could imagine! I thought it was a wonderful trick and
I told her so. She laughed - a beautiful, beautiful laugh.
It sounded like a tinkling bell.
We walked and
she said, 'I am walking on a path that no human eye can
see, and soon we will be up among the stars and we will
walk along the path where there is no path.' And do you
know, this happened! We left the Earth plane far behind
- we left the Earth far behind. We went up into the darkness
of the night beyond the sun. We walked through the stars,
and she saw a path - I saw no path, but she saw a path -
and I said, 'Does everyone do this? "Oh yes,' she said,
'we all walk the path.'
I saw the light - a very small light - in the distance,
and we walked towards the light and as we walked, the light
... the hole ... the light got bigger and I saw that it
was like a tunnel. It was like a pathway through
a tunnel and we had to walk through this tunnel, and at
the very end of this tunnel there was a tremendous light
and she walked on, and walked on and walked on, and others
joined us as we walked. But I was so busy looking around,
so busy staring at this lovely, lovely lady. I didn't really
know who it was, but I recognized her, yet I didn't recognize
her, and there seemed to be great joy. It was as if I'd
come home, and of course I had. We were walking... she was
walking ... she was carrying me in her arms and we went
straight towards the light and we passed through that light
- I suppose it was out the other side of the tunnel - and
into this light, and into this light, Mum.
My eyes were dazzled at first, but as they grew
adjusted to this great light I could see things. I could
see people. I could see other children. I could see other
people that were beloved of mine on the Earth plane, waving,
smiling, greeting. I found myself, Mum, in this
most wonderful, wonderful garden and I can only ... well
it was like a garden, it was like a cross between a garden
and a parkland like you'd find. That's the nearest I can
describe it upon the Earth. You know, it was a garden that
was vast. It was like a cross between a vast garden and
a vast park. It was so light, it was like a glorious summer's
day, but it wasn't too hot and it wasn't too cold. It was
just perfect and there was such love in this place - such
love - and the love helped me. I felt stronger - I was getting
stronger in this lady's arms, with all this love around
me. I was getting stronger, stronger all the time and I
struggled in her arms and said, 'Oh please let me go. Let
me play over there. Let me explore all this wonderful place.
Let me see where everything is.'
'No, no,' she
said, 'Russell no. You must wait. You have been ill upon
the Earth. We must take you to a place that will heal you.'
Mum, this frightened me because the last thing I wanted
to do was to go into another hospital. I'd had enough of
those places and I struggled in her arms and said, 'Not
a hospital,' and she said, 'No, it is not a hospital like
anything you will find upon the Earth,' and it wasn't.
She walked through this beautiful place - this beautiful
garden - and she took me to a beautiful white pillared building.
She was greeted by people who lived in this white
pillared building that looked after the children of the
Earth, that put them on the road to recovery after they
had been ill. You see, if you'd been ill ... if a child
has been ill upon the Earth plane, they are taken to the
Halls of Healing where people who love children work with
them and heal them from whatever physical or mental traumas
they have suffered upon the Earth, and of course I had been
through a lot of physical trauma hadn't I. Because of my
illness. But it was nothing like the Earth. It was nothing
like the Earth.
me into this beautiful white building - this lovely ...
this other lovely lady came and greeted her and I fancied
she bowed in front of this lady in the blue robe. It
was a quick, instant thing, and yet I saw it in just a flicker
- a fraction - and then everything was normal and the lovely
lady with the blue robe put me on this ... on this lovely
little bed and it was a really lovely little bed. Exactly
the right size for me - it wasn't too big, it wasn't too
small. The mattress wasn't too hard and it wasn't too soft.
Everything was just right, and the mattress seemed to settle
me down in it somehow. I didn't actually sink in it but
it just seemed to settle round me, and do you know, it almost
felt as if that mattress itself was giving off a healing
glow and I now know of course that that is possible. This
is just what happens and I understand now why but to me
at the time, it was such a great source of wonder. And the
beautiful lady who had carried me thus far, laid me down
on the bed and very gently put her hand over my forehead
and I knew no more.
I woke up again and I was still in this beautiful place
and I was still in this bed and I felt as though I had only
been asleep for a moment, but I had been asleep for a long
while and I felt very, very much better. I felt
strong again, like my old self, and I got up and the lady
who looked after me ... she was sort of a round lady with
sort of grey-white hair, and she had a cap - an old fashioned
nurse's cap - and a lovely deep white collar around her.
A long, bustly dress. It was lovely - and she was lovely
- and she looked at me and she smiled and she had wonderful
red, rosy cheeks like two red apples either side. It was
lovely. She said, 'You feel better now, Russell,' and I
said 'Oh yes, I feel tons better. I think I'll go back and
tell Mum.' Mum will be pleased, I thought, that I was so
much better. So would Dad. So would my brothers.